


A Damn Shame

by bubblegumvampire



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Relationship, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1284958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumvampire/pseuds/bubblegumvampire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An exploration of Peeta's thoughts during and after the tour including  Katniss, family, and happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Damn Shame

**Author's Note:**

> wow I'm not sure what this is but it's my first fic so pls be kind and I don't own anything as usual

When Peeta dreams he usually wakes up scared and angry. Sweat covers his chest and he shakes forcefully. Katniss had once again left without a word in his nightmare, except this time Gale had been with her. They danced in front of Peeta, their faces were dark and they smiled oddly. Gale had taken her hand and started to run off but Peeta couldn’t stop them, he was suffocating, he couldn’t move. Katniss had looked back and smiled viciously.

* * *

 

Sometimes Peeta sits in his room and thinks about how his relationship with Katniss could play out. He knows she loves Gale. He's only been around the two of them together once but that's enough. Katniss has a look about her and the atmosphere in the room is different. Her eyes grow darker and she smiles more. Gale looks at her the same way Peeta himself does. A small smile on his face and his eyes low lidded, and sometimes if appropriate a hand is placed just above her hip.

Things are different on their victory tour, Katniss lets him do things he never thought she would. Some nights they sleep together and she rests her head on Peeta's chest maybe lets him run his hands up and down her hips. Other nights Peeta is left to roll restlessly and toss like a newborn while the pillow he holds close to him acts as Katniss.

On the seventh night of the tour after a particularly draining party when they really should have been asleep already they decide to stay up and talk. They lay on Peeta's bed, Katniss with her head laying on his shoulder and Peeta with both of his arms wrapped impossibly tight around her. After a long silence between them Peeta's eyes begin to fall and he gets a comfortable warm feeling all through his body when Katniss speaks. "Do you think we could recognize Effie if we saw her like a normal person?"

"Hmm?"

"I think she might have freckles. Lots all across her nose."

"Oh?" Peeta chuckles, Katniss has never had this kind of light hearted conversation with him. She's tired and stalling sleep of course and that's all but Peeta can't help but hope it might be because she feels safe around him.

"Oh. She wouldn't be the same without all of that. Her personality is too extravagant. It would be weird to hug her and not smell cotton candy."

"I suppose that would be strange."

Peeta smiles and rests his head on hers. She’s already asleep by the time he looks down.

* * *

 

Sometimes Peeta becomes angry at her. It's illogical and selfish to think he deserves her anymore than Gale but he still thinks it anyway. He's loved her longer and more fiercely than Gale and he's pretty sure he's seen him look at Katniss in a hungry way - up and down from behind and occasionally lower than her eyes - and this makes Peeta even more irritated. No man should look at a woman that way unless the woman belongs to him. Especially a woman like his Katniss.

Gale could never be as loyal as him, right? Peeta has given unreturnable favors and expected nothing in return while Gale stays home. He knows his thoughts are low, Gale is hard working and kind. Not to mention much better looking. If he couldn't convince Katniss he at least hoped Gale would leave him something.

He knows Gale will always be superior to him because in the end an entire nation doting over their relationship will only be wishful thinking on their part and his. Only Katniss deserves to choose her future.

* * *

 

“You better keep her close while you can, kid,” Haymitch says one morning when everyone has left breakfast and it’s just the two of them sitting at the table. He points his flask at Peeta and raises his eyebrows before stumbling off. Peeta thinks maybe drinking isn’t such a bad idea right now.

* * *

 

“Katniss I love you.”

Peeta’s voice is rushed and nervous. He stands in front of Katniss’ door with a set look on his face but when she looks at him irritatedly he begins to second guess this decision.

“No Peeta.”

Her hand starts toward the button that closes the door but Peeta grabs it.

“Please Katniss I can-”

“Did you hear me? I said no. And don’t you dare think that when we get off this train and back home that me and Gale are going to be all happy-lovey. I don’t have the time or the desire to be a part of any of your - or his - fluffy daydreams.” Katniss yanks her hand out of Peeta’s grip and jabs her finger into the closing button much too forcefully.

Peeta walks back to his bedroom and covers himself with the many lush blankets provided for him. She’s evil, he decides. Leading both Gale and himself on.

* * *

 

When the tour is over and they’re all tired Peeta returns to his small house in the Victors' Village with his family. His mother acts proud, she’s set up a little party with some people he recognizes but does not know. She trots over to greet him and he smiles, watching the way her hair bounces. She leans up to hug him and whispers, “Act grateful my friends came to see you,” she says pulling away and kisses his cheek.

Peeta’s father looks uncomfortable and half smiles at him from across the room. His brothers have come too. They wear clothes that could have never been afforded before all this. The women his mother has invited wear their best dresses and take turns doting on him until late that night. Around midnight his brothers decide it’s best to leave as work starts early the next morning. They hug him roughly, pat his back, and exchange exchange a dejected look between the three of them. Peeta sees them out the door and waits before turning to meet his mother.

“You should be off to bed then,” that’s all she says before walking into the living room. His father touches his shoulder and looks at him with dull eyes. Peeta smiles half-heartedly and walks to his room. The walls have been painted grey and a more sufficient spread has been placed on his mattress. That night Peeta dreams of going night swimming with Katniss and watching the drops roll off her naked back.

* * *

 

Eventually he grows tired. The bright colors of every exciting thing he remembers are now in black and white. He watches Katniss leave every morning and return with her hidden game. She’s still beautiful and her dark hair still falls perfectly around her pale face. He can see the way she lights up just before she walks into her house and hugs Prim. He wishes she would light up like that for him.

 

* * *

 

Peeta decides to visit Haymitch. He needs to talk about something or anything (Katniss) and he hasn’t left his room since returning. He walks past the kitchen and smells his mother baking bread. It’s oddly comforting and he feels love creep into his heart causing a shiver to run down his spine before the feeling disappears.

There is snow on the ground and it crunches under his feet as he treads down the sidewalk. He always liked winter the best out of all the seasons. Prim is out tossing snowballs with her friends. She sees him and smiles, “Hi Peeta!” her cheeks are rosy and there is snow all through her gold hair.

“Hello. Having fun?” Peeta smiles back as much as he can and opens his arms to her. She giggles and hugs him warmly. “Um.. how’s uh.. how’s your sister?” Prim pulls back and looks up at him.

“Good. She’s good. She misses you.”

She’s lying. Her eyes shift to the side where her friends are waiting.

“Alright. Go play, and don’t get too cold.”

He pats her head and she smiles before skipping back to meet her friends. Peeta watches her as she sneaks up on her friends crunching snow in between her mittened hands.

Haymitch and Effie now live about two houses down from where he stands. After she had finally had enough of Haymitch’s destructive ways. A wreath rests above the knocker on the door containing small snowbirds glittered with gems and stones. Peeta carefully sticks his hand in the area between the wreath and the knocker as not to ruin Effie’s crafting. When the door opens Effie stands in a white knee length dress covered in gems fitting the wintery weather outside.

“Peeta, dear! Come in!”

Effie lays a hand on his arm and smiles brightly. “What can I do for you?” she asks leading him into the living room. The couches are all unwrinkled and look as if no one had ever attempted sitting on them.

“Um actually I came here to talk to Haymitch,” Peeta smiles nervously and looks up at Effie. Her face falls for a split second before skirting off to find Haymitch. When they return Haymitch looks healthier  than Peeta has seen him in a long time and for some reason a feeling of anger finds it’s way into Peeta’s head and blankets his brain. An old hopeless drunk can find love in someone but Katniss won’t even bat an eyelash his way. Somehow it doesn’t seem fair.

“Hey kid,” Haymitch falls heavily onto the couch across from Peeta and Effie slips him a scolding glare and excuses herself. “What can I do for you?” His voice doesn’t hold the same sleepy grumble as before. It’s comforting.

Peeta wrings his hands and says quietly, “I don’t feel the same anymore. I feel empty. I don’t know - I don’t know what I can-”

“Calm down kid,” Haymitch says and leans forward from his place on the couch. “This is about Katniss right? You love her?”

“Yes. It’s ridiculous, childish even,” Peeta sighs and flattens his hands on his knees nervously. Haymitch seems to contemplate what has been said for a moment before smiling sadly.

“I can’t help you there. I wish I could, really, but the only one who can do that is you. It’s a damn shame she had to be the one. You’re a good kid,” Haymitch lays a hand on Peeta’s knee and pats lightly. “But don’t tell yourself it’s ridiculous, it’s actually the opposite. I've had that problem before, as I’m sure you and everyone else know, but all you can do is wait it out. You’ll be fine, you’ve got me and Effie here and whoever else you hang around we’ll take care of you.”

Peeta lays a hand on top of Haymitch’s own and smiles a quiet “thank you” before standing to leave. Haymitch follows and Peeta can hear the pop of his kneecaps. As if on cue Effie tip-taps into the room and takes Peeta’s face into her hands. “Dear you look absolutely exhausted go home and get some rest alright?” Peeta smiles and reaches up to grab one of her hands. He smiles and squeezes Effie’s pale fingers lightly. A sound of agreement comes from Haymitch before the two of them lead Peeta to the door.

* * *

 

Peeta’s mother is sitting at the table when he returns. A book rests on the table under her hands and she doesn’t look up to greet him. “Your brothers will be here once they get off. I want you washed up before then,” Peeta grunts as a sign he hears her and drags his feet to the door of his room. He sleeps until his cold toes eventually wake him. He imagines Katniss in bed with him. Her legs brush against his and wind their way in between. Her warmth is enough for them both. She smells like sweets.

* * *

 

His brothers come later, their hands are black and dusty. They are laughing with each other and don’t seem to notice Peeta in the sitting room until he shuffles over. “The little baker boy! How’ve you been?” He walks toward Peeta and slaps his back. Peeta shrugs and smiles lightly. What could he possibly say to that? His father walks in shortly after and nods toward them in greeting.

Upon hearing the door open and shut Peeta’s mother is now in front of the stove stirring the soup sat on the burner. His brothers stop laughing and his fathers eyes do not raise from his feet. “Boys get the bowls and stop standing around will you,” she snaps and continues to stir.

Dinner is quiet. His mother asks them about work and women and they answer enough to be polite. “What about you Peeta? You seem to spend an awful lot of time over at that heathen house down over,” she tries to hide a smirk with the rim of her glass. Peeta ignores her.

After dinner when his mother is cleaning up the boys sit by the small fireplace. Peeta’s father is sitting in his arm chair strumming on a guitar. The atmosphere is warm and Peeta thinks to himself that if life was always like this he just might be okay. His brothers are talking softly about their new house they had saved up for when Peeta is struck with the idea of living in this warm environment everyday. He thinks of waking up to bickering about who’s first to bathe and cooking a dinner of their choice. “Y-you wouldn’t happen to have an extra room would you?” His voice shakes and his foot taps nervously. His father looks up but does not stop his playing.

“You know what I think that can be arranged little brother,” he smiles showing his white teeth. Peeta smiles get and feels excitement rise all the way to his head. “Why don’t we come back tomorrow and help move your things?” Peeta nods and his smile grows.

* * *

 

The next time Peeta sits at a dinner table he laughs so hard nothing comes out and his ribs hurt. He can’t remember the last time he'd felt this great. A warmth has settled in his stomach and he hopes it never leaves.

The next time he goes to sleep is on a mattress on the ground, which is somehow more comfortable than the lush bed in his old room. He doesn’t imagine Katniss next to him, curled into his side. He doesn’t need to.


End file.
